I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize