We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
jump out the window naked night went bad
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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