3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
