apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
