if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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