Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
