An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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