ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
