is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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