No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
