Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize