youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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