I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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