i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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