I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize