I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
