Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
