I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
