Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
