he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ugly people sure do ruin things
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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