Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize