Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
