I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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