Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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