there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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