That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
