Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
