Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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