Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
