Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
