Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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