I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
