My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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