i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
