You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
