That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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