new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
