Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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