Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
