i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
