you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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