hotel room ftw
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
