I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
