I love black thongs
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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