The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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