you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize