my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
