The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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