Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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