How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
