why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
