Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
