I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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