im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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