do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
