So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
