I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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