Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
