just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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