I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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