I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
