he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
