So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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