Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
