If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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