Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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