Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
